Happy birthday!

Dang... You're 16. My best friend turned 16. All that's running through my head is last summer when she turned 15. I was the first for everything. Call text Facebook person. I did all that and no one beat me to it. Haha we were in the same room to. I got to spend it with you! It was amazing. But a year passed and everything changed. I'm laying here thinking how fun you're probably having. I didn't text you because I thought why would she want a happy birthday text from me I might ruin her night. 

   Erica. You're 16. Dang! You're fucking 16 lmao. Happy birthday!!! I miss you and love you sis! I could just picture last year in my head! Side to side! Nothing separated us on neither mine or your birthday! Haha. I hope you had a good birthday. And I got your present at my house still. Yes Erica I got you a present! Happy 16 birthday!!!!!!!!!!! 

I'm sorry that I didn't finish this last night. Well I did finish it last night but I was to scared to publish it. Why? Because we aren't close anymore didn't think it would actually matter to you. But it's whatever cause I made you a blog 

So happy sweet 16th! You're only 16 once! I love and miss you sis! Always here for you no matter what!!! Guess ill see you Tuesday!! 

Katy Cilley

August.31.2013

Not losing me

Alright youre not losing your best friend lets get that out there. Taking a break isn't losing a best friend other half or sister. It's bout getting our heads straight. I'm still there for you to listen give good advice but this change.... just remember ill always be there and be your best friend sister other half. Give you s shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a funny blonde joke or just a stupid joke for a smile for a laugh. A thumb to wipe the tears away. Eyes to look you in the eyes and promise you everything will be okay I'm here for you through everything. Honestly I guess I dont knkw how much you need me. I'm stupid. I'm just a girl. That no one really needs you know? And miss you too. But I need a break okay? That's why I'm going down state. Need a break from everything. But hey. When I come back you might have another best friend you might not need me anymore. No one really does.

P.s. I'm always going to be there you're not going anywhere unless you choose to leave my life. 

Katy Cilley

August.4.2013

Dang.. as I thought my life was finally getting in place of course something goes wrong... I start over thinking of him, Rickey, Erica, BranDan, my life, my mom, dad, sister.. Ugh! I dont feel right again... the urge of cutting suicidal thoughts everythings back in my head...

My life. Well right now its complicated im only comfortable at one house and one house only. People would think its my house. But nope its my best friends. Im myself there I have freedom, im not lonely, depressed, sad, anything! But my house im the opposite.. why I honestly have no clue..

Him. Why he can't text me when im looking reading our messages wishing.I'd get a hey or hi or anything from him.. like when I was down with Brittney he texted me. My heart sunk and he only said hey I haf the biggest smile on my face. I asked why he texted me because I was surprised and he said. Just needed someone to talk to. Damn... why cant it be like that again.. No body knows how much I like him.. or how many times he hurt me id still will take him back in a heart beat.. why because I have to many feelings for him. I put him first before anyone.. I'd drop every thing just to see him smile. God... I miss him so much.. Stay with me... forever.. please..

Rickey... im sooo sorry for every thing. I dont know if I ruined our friendship.. Im just not ready to have a boyfriend yet. Not in the summer and im not over him yet soo I might end up hurting you and I honestly dont want to.. im truly sorry...

Erica.. you're helping me with a lot you know what im feeling and yet youre still staying by myside.. you like him. And honestly I still cant believe it. Well I dont want to believe. Im scared that things will change when him or they get back... I dont want to lose you or anyone.. but I just wanted to say thank you for being there when I need you the most..

BranDan... I need my best friend back /: You were right on everything. How he always tries and take the girls you like. Im sorry I didnt believe you I should of though.. I miss you and I miss how you told me everything about her and I told uou everything about him. I hope when you get back you get your girl back.. but I feel like things will change.. I hope they dont though. Because as much ad you want her I want him.. I hope everything goes as perfect when you come back.

Well my mom and dad... they dont want me to move out. But im almost seventeen and its to late im already gone.. mom cries and cries she wants me to stay at home till I graduate. But thats not the best because im alone sad depressed. She needs to let me go so I can be happy and be myself again. Im sorry.. but I gotta go my own way.

Bobbijean.. how shes gonna raise that kid.. when she couldn't even raise a puppy.. she's to immature. She cant have a kid but its to late she does theres nothing I can do or anyone can do.. but its life. So I hope she grows up and actually be a good mom.

Well... theres more I just dont know what to say.. hopefully deep conversation soon.. but we'll see how it goes. I hope nothing changes... im scared and worried bout that.. right now. Life sucks...

Girl that hates life..
July.28.3013

Him </3

Hell never read this but I guess Its okay... Just wanted to say thank you for these three or four amazing months. Yes I know we did have rough patches but we fixed them and became closer in the process. I still rememeber the first hello. I still remember the first time you stayed after school with Erica and I. I was shy but you got my weirdness out of me. That's the side I really don't show around someone I like but with you it was different.... Then on March 28 it all started to begin. You were dating one of my friends and I started to like you. I had to lie to her saying I like Kenny. But in my head it was you... Then we started to text and talk more.. you always had touch me and the times where you always said " I feel like people are watching us". Or the first note you took after from Erica when we got out detention and of course thats the note that said I liked you. My face was red and I kept hiding it.. the next day Brandon and Devan was telling people we fucked lol. I remember the pictures that Erica took of us.. Haha when it qas fhe background to our phones and we were.trying so hard to hide it from Megin. Or the bet who ever becomes friends with Megin first had to tell that person their feelings and kissed them. I lost of course. I never really told you all my feelings. But on April 25 you kept talking and talking. I kissed you and you were in shock didnt know what to say or do. Saying it wasnt fair because you were talking but in reality you stopped and looked at my lips. And besides I had to kiss you I lost a bet. But either way I think I would have kissed you because your lips were mocking mine and I just wanted to kiss you. Then the next day at lunch you and I were just staring at each other when Megin came over it was awkward. At the end of the day you finally broke up with her and you got on the bus with the biggest smile ever! Later on that day we couldnt hang out because you were going to see your sister. But then you texted Erica and asked her to have me come outside because you wanted to see me before you left. And I did we walked wr kissed like five times  and you put your ipod in my shirt I wanted to hurt you and I asked why. You said because that's the only way we can talk. So u took it. Come to find out you put the password as 7007 the same password as mine was. Then April 28 came along thats When everything changed... You said youd hate to do it over facebook but you asked me out. I said yes of course. Then I wrote you that note in your ipod and honestly I dont know if you still have it. We had to hide our relationship an it was hard but we managed... Three days later you broke up with. Yeah I was a little sad but it was fine because I didn't really have feeling for you. Then BranDan Erica you Lorgia Bryce and I hung out. Haha then you were trying  win the bet that you can go a day without talking to me which you lost same with BranDan lol. Anyways everyone was walking faster then us we didnt even get to the store to get anything thats how slow we were being..then we all stopped and rested. BranDan told Erica he still liked her. And then Bryce and Lorgia left and BranDan and Erica were walking together and we were the slow ones that kept kissing and hugging and holding hands you put me on your shoulders you took your shirt off. Holy shit I melted. That night we had pillow fights water fight got to wear your clothes! We played hide and seek In the dark and you told me to lay on the coach with you and I did we tricked Erica for a little bit lol. Then I startd to laugh. Then we watched Megan Is Missing and what were we doing cuddling on the coach having kissing wars, you saying whoa whoa you unsnapping my bra then saying whoa whoa again. Or when you guys went  Ericas house on May 3 till three oclock in the morning and we were holding hands kissing you were playing catch with BranDan and Emery... Or talkin to my sister for the first time on the phone. Then May 6 holy shit so much happened that day. You were the one that was there for Erica and I when that shit went down with Tayler... You skipped class just for us. You seen me cry the first time I tried holdin it in I just couldnt.... you looked at me hugged me saying it makes me wanna cry when you cry.. You met my mom the first time and she loved you lol. Later that day Erica facetimed me and you and bryce was there. You kept writin something kn paper I asked you and you wouldnt tell me. Then you held up the notebook and it said Will you go out with me. On the different sheets. My fave turned red and I wrote back saying yes! We were dating again I was soo happy! Then I were your sweatshirt everyone was flipping but we didnt care. Then on May 7 you didnt come to school. I started thinking bad... later that night you told me we have to break up I was balling my eyes out. I knew I had feeling for you. But then you facetimed me saying.how stupid you were and how you let your mind take over. Telling me how much I mean and how.much you care for me. How much you didnt want to lose me. Then the third we broke up I lost it too we talked on the phone for about five hours.. June 6 was our one month! Then June 7 I went to your house. It was just me and you and It was amazing! Then theres the littliest memories like kissing in the halls telling me to get to class. Before my denist appts walking him to gym. Kissing you.. you telling me you dont want me to go. Me picking you up after school sitting in the back messing.around. me picking you up every morning getting to school so it would just be Eduardo and Katy time. The Times I stayed at your house. Walking talking telling each other our past. How much they were alike... or when I always stopped at your locker.. It's hard saying goodbye to you as a boyfriend because you weren't only that you were my best friend. We told each other a lot. I got attached to you easily. But you want to be friends now. It still hurts that we are over because I loved you.. well I still do... I told you that when I was worried about you that one night. Or hows you said " never had a summer girlfriend" and then you said that you want me to be that first girl... Or the first tome uou ever told me you got jealous.. Or all the times we teased each other... Or that "too hot" game that we played like five times and I always had to be the first ine to grab you... or everytime at the pingpong table yoh would always say I was disracting you thats why you kept losing. Or win I beat you and you said because you let me but in reality I was just better (: Theres so much to say I just don't know how to say it.. I hope this is really what you wanted this time...