Dang.. as I thought my life was finally getting in place of course something goes wrong... I start over thinking of him, Rickey, Erica, BranDan, my life, my mom, dad, sister.. Ugh! I dont feel right again... the urge of cutting suicidal thoughts everythings back in my head...

My life. Well right now its complicated im only comfortable at one house and one house only. People would think its my house. But nope its my best friends. Im myself there I have freedom, im not lonely, depressed, sad, anything! But my house im the opposite.. why I honestly have no clue..

Him. Why he can't text me when im looking reading our messages wishing.I'd get a hey or hi or anything from him.. like when I was down with Brittney he texted me. My heart sunk and he only said hey I haf the biggest smile on my face. I asked why he texted me because I was surprised and he said. Just needed someone to talk to. Damn... why cant it be like that again.. No body knows how much I like him.. or how many times he hurt me id still will take him back in a heart beat.. why because I have to many feelings for him. I put him first before anyone.. I'd drop every thing just to see him smile. God... I miss him so much.. Stay with me... forever.. please..

Rickey... im sooo sorry for every thing. I dont know if I ruined our friendship.. Im just not ready to have a boyfriend yet. Not in the summer and im not over him yet soo I might end up hurting you and I honestly dont want to.. im truly sorry...

Erica.. you're helping me with a lot you know what im feeling and yet youre still staying by myside.. you like him. And honestly I still cant believe it. Well I dont want to believe. Im scared that things will change when him or they get back... I dont want to lose you or anyone.. but I just wanted to say thank you for being there when I need you the most..

BranDan... I need my best friend back /: You were right on everything. How he always tries and take the girls you like. Im sorry I didnt believe you I should of though.. I miss you and I miss how you told me everything about her and I told uou everything about him. I hope when you get back you get your girl back.. but I feel like things will change.. I hope they dont though. Because as much ad you want her I want him.. I hope everything goes as perfect when you come back.

Well my mom and dad... they dont want me to move out. But im almost seventeen and its to late im already gone.. mom cries and cries she wants me to stay at home till I graduate. But thats not the best because im alone sad depressed. She needs to let me go so I can be happy and be myself again. Im sorry.. but I gotta go my own way.

Bobbijean.. how shes gonna raise that kid.. when she couldn't even raise a puppy.. she's to immature. She cant have a kid but its to late she does theres nothing I can do or anyone can do.. but its life. So I hope she grows up and actually be a good mom.

Well... theres more I just dont know what to say.. hopefully deep conversation soon.. but we'll see how it goes. I hope nothing changes... im scared and worried bout that.. right now. Life sucks...

Girl that hates life..
July.28.3013