Tears ran down my face and I kept reading her blog.. Shes not just my friend friend but also my sister my other half.. Yes I know her life is hard but shes still young.. you cant forget the past but you can look forward the future! Shes talking to this kid Rickey and im glad because he makes her happy, he knows when theres something wrong with her, hes there for her. I know he will be.the right one.for her.. She was dating this kid Nate.. im soo glad thats over with because he was wayy to controling and I hated him. But I never showed it because they were happy together and one day she finally realized he wasnt the one. When her and Rickey start dating theyre going to last for a longg time and I can see it. Rickey says Erica makes him happy and I know Rickey makes her happy!
This morning when I was reading her blog as tears ran down my face. All the memories ran through my head. Im always there for her thick or thin.. But sometimes I think she forgets that.. She was crying last night and I called her the first thing I said was promise me you wont do anything stupid. She said she wont. As I was sayin that my voice started to crack. I knew I was gonna cry.. but I waited till I got off the phone with her.. When she cut the first time. She woukdnt tell me the truth but I wasnt stupid because I had scars on my wrist..
Later on in her blog.. it said giving up.. She cant do that! Shes my best friend, sister, my other half. If she gave up on life half of me would be gone! We shared so many memories, shes the one person I can put my life in her hands and I know she wouldn't hurt it. Shes the one person that I tell everything too, shes the one person that I go to for escape. Shes my best friend, my sister, my other half. I know what it feels like when people want to give up on their lives. I was in their shoes once. In Seventh grade I came home from school that day people were making fun of me because of my teeth.. I had enough I went two years with that and I just wanted to be dead. My sister and I was the only ones there. Bobbijean was to busy playing with our puppy Eddie. I went to my room climbed out the window found rope in the garage climbed back in my window. Tied the rope to my ceiling fan. Made a loop on the otherside.. I was ready to say my last words which were "goodbye" My sister started calling my name to show me that Eddie can sit when she tells him too. So I yelled saying "hang on im changing" while my voice was cracking. I started to panic. I was shaking I got on the chair put the rope around my neck. Before I could even step one foot off the chair.. my sister came in. She ran to me saying "Katy stop Katy you cant do this." She got on the chair took the rope off. I clasped on the floor still balling my eyes out.. telling her dont tell mom dont tell dad. She asked why I was doing it. I said because I cant take people making fun of me anymore. She told me I need to stop worrying about what people say about me and start ignoring them. But its hard to ignore people. She looked me in the eyes while we both were crying saying "we lost dad from suicide we aren't losing you" I was speechless didnt know what to say or do... we took the rope back.. she made me sleep in her room that night because she didnt trust me.. She was afraid to go to sleep. So she stayed up all night until she knew that I was sound asleep.. From this day we dont talk about it because I told her we are to never say a word about it.. And she doesnt. But she still there when people hurt me because she doesnt want me to do anything stupid like that again..
Im scared that Erica is going to do something stupid like that... Because she keeps letting the past take over her mind instead of the present the future. She doesnt realize that she does have people that love care for her.. Sure she has haters everyone does. That just means she stood up for herself.. shes my best friend.. I wouldnt know what to do without her.
All I want from her is not hurting herself and coming to me when she has problems.. ill be the one that will make you laugh because thats what im here for.. I hope she realizes how much she means.. I love you gurl! Dont forget that!!
Stay strong<3 You do have people that care and love you(:
-Katy Cilley
May.27.2013
